I always dream of changing people’s destiny, which is the dream in my whole life. When I was young, I was so poor that I used to think of who would help change my destiny. If there could have been, he would have been the deity of my life. My mind was very desperately contemplated; that didn’t happen, though. When I looked
Others around me, I saw them have a lot of money and I kept asking myself how come those rich people could be silent!, how come nothing could trigger their mind to have pity on miserable people like me!, how come it was possible they felt nothing with the people with misery on the same earth! I kept thinking and asking myself if I was different from others!, if I was not good enough like others!, where I was from and where they were from!
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or if I was a sin person! I kept asking more myself, “where Was i born from? where would I go after death, and when I was born again, was I born poor the same or rich? And If I was rich, would i have the same or different mother? If different mother, I would be satisfied to be born poor with the same mother, I would not be able to live with the different mother.” That made me think then I would be forever poor and I felt such a great pity on myself that my tears dropped down. This mind has enabled me to observe and think much about life so nothing is able to contaminate me because my thinking about life happens every moment when I am awake even when I am at any celebrations or when I have just made a lot of money. This mind enables me to overcome all worldly conditions. After I escaped from that hell, it reminded me to give chance to others. The mind of providing has truly imprinted in my mind. It is not like the imaginary mind of simple people. It is the actual need, the actual hunger in my mind. The mind is the pushing force for my day and night work without only tiredness and a safe and warm shelter for those under my care. Compassion and loving-kindness without unreasonable check of mistakes and wisdom producing knowledge for people all derive from this single mind. However, It also disturbs my sleep in my life as a provider. And yet I fall asleep very easily when I decide to sleep and rarely have dreams in my sleep. Though having a short sleep, I feel enough. I am also sensitive while sleeping even when falling deeply asleep; a very light sound of a running mouse can wake me up.
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